How

Love and Acceptance

Is love, acceptance? Is acceptance, love? Let's take a look at how the terms love and acceptance co-exist in the realm of our social needs.

Put aside thoughts of people walking around in the thralls of procreation, bombarded by a sea of oxytocin. Oxytocin, the mammalian hormone and neurotransmitter that plays a role in social recognition, and bonding. Neither is it necessary to discuss the not so new, yet recent evidence that we humans may be more genetically similar to the monogamous animals in our kingdom. Our cultures setting the framework by defining personal success as partnership, "couple-ness", and religion historically lending its two cents.

Our biology is an inescapable fact, and from an observational standpoint, one might argue that when two people initially feel drawn to each other, it indeed looks like the beginning steps of an intricate and biologically primitive dance. Some, however, may not wish to see the beauty in this perspective. The bottom line is that we are neither only nature, nor only nurture. We are an intertwined whole, and we are social beings. Our biology does not make the story any less romantic or less beautiful, and our sociability is not a problem in itself. If we take a step back and a look at the larger picture, it really does not matter. It just is. This is where we are, here and now.

However, as numerous relationships and marriages end, it would serve our best interests to become more aware of our choice of partners. Aside from initial infatuation and attraction, we humans wish to be accepted for who we are as individuals. This is a vital piece of the puzzle, and I would go as far as to postulate that it is also a necessary premise for the chemistry/attraction to continue in a long-term relationship. In other words, a 'chicken-or-egg' type scenario.

I'm certain that if you take a look back at your own personal history, you will find numerous examples in which you adapted or did what you had to do to 'fit in' somewhere, or with someone. So many times people feel as though they have compromised themselves beyond a point that 'feels right'. Well, in the desire to experience love, too many attempt to be someone they are not.

This does not mean that we are incapable of changing habit or developing in the spirit of maturation and compromise toward win/win results. But, the point is that people dismiss who they are in order to experience love, when the acceptance of who they are should be an existing premise before further exploring a potential relationship. The idea that a person can only love if another person is similar or identical to themself, is more a sign of immaturity than it is a sign of love.

The bottom line is that people cannot expect or wait for others to give them this acceptance. You are who you are at any given point in time in your development. It is something you must be, and caretake. From this perspective, acceptance is not necessarily the same thing as love, and the opposite may be better termed as non-acceptance. You have the choice between the two when considering a future partner. It's time for people to set quality standards for what they ultimately want, rather than hoping that it will eventually develop or happen.

It is well worth the time to explore terms such as these. What do they really mean? Are they the same, or different? How do they differ? Then ask yourself, "How do they operate in my life"? "How can I better clarify"? And, "How can I use this knowledge to change aspects in my life for the better"?

"There is an underlying need to belong in our search for a partner. Underlying this aspect of belonging is the need for acceptance. It all boils down to that we want a partner that will accept us for who we really are".
(Tamera Daun. Cosmopolitan, Norway, 2005)

Be well, Stay safe, and warm regards,

Tamera Daun

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